Who Cares? Nobody, but My Mom

I arrived in Bangkok on Friday night, around midnight. I spent the weekend getting settled in and exploring the city a bit. My internship began on Monday. Now, I’ve mentioned previously that I knew very little about this position; which was actually being generous. One of my friends did this internship last year, so he told me a few things about it. All I knew is that I would have a boss who is impossible to describe and I would have to be very self-motivated at work. Period. That’s right; I know you’re thinking I’m crazy. And you’re probably right. I moved to Bangkok for a position that I knew nothing about. Outrageous.

Having been here for over a month now, I can say a few things about my internship. I have a boss who is impossible to describe and I have to be very self-motivated at work. No joke.

Since I like to attempt the impossible, I’m going to try to describe my boss and share some tough lessons I’ve learned through him. Gerry is incredible. He is Irish and immensely intense. He is the single most interesting person I have ever met in my life. He is the Head of the Programme Unit here at the regional office, which means that he makes sure the country offices have legit programs to keep their beneficiaries fed…I think. Gerry is actually sincerely concerned that there are approximately 1 billion people in the world that suffer from hunger. That’s why he does his job; a juicy paycheck is just a bonus, I’m sure.

The first week I was there, he threw several vague assignments at me. At that point, I knew very little about the UN World Food Programme, which made everything 100 times more difficult. Halfway through the week, we were having coffee and discussing work and the internship. He was explaining that his style of work is very intense and he likes to stretch people. He also explained that there were different types of people who have different working styles, and that there are different internships for different people. He finished by saying that this was a very intense and difficult internship.

I felt slapped in the face. Did he just politely state that he thinks I’m not tough enough for this internship? “Well, I’m here, aren’t I?” I smiled with a sweet smirk at him.

I went back to my desk, looked at my work and had no idea what I was doing. I was completely lost to be honest. On top of moving to a city of 6.3 million people all by myself, not knowing anyone and starting an internship I knew nothing about, my boss considered me incompetent for the position. It sucked. Bad.

I’ve always been good at everything I did; not just good, but usually the best. My GPA has always been awesome; I was the valedictorian (of a grade D school). I’ve had good jobs with much responsibility. I’ve always been able to learn things quickly, figure stuff out, and come up with the most effective ways of accomplishing things. On top of all of this, I had awesome people skills. Man, I was IT! Or so I thought.

Within a few short days, I figured out that I am much more ignorant than knowledgeable. Worst of all was the fact that nobody cared about all of my previous accomplishments. Sure, my resume helped me get the internship, but it wasn’t going to get me through it. All of that no longer mattered. Nobody cared, but my mom. I would have to prove myself all over again. And I felt lonely, frustrated, vulnerable and scared. Did I mention it sucked?

An inflated bubble of pride popped loudly. It was a very much needed realization. I always try to battle my pride, but experiences such as these help end the war pretty quickly. The prideful casualty lay withering in the corner as I stared blankly at my vague assignments. My confidence and competency wavered significantly. I wanted to quit.

(To be continued in next blog...)