The River Keeps Flowing

The night after realizing my ignorance and wanting to quit, I had a dream. In the dream, I found myself on a plane on my way back home. I walked into my house and was embraced by my family and friends. It felt so good to be home! After some time when I was alone in my room, I realized that my internship wasn’t over and I needed to be in Bangkok. I frantically ran out and told my parents that I had to urgently fly back. They tried to persuade that I stay at home because I was already there. But, I insisted that I needed to go back to Thailand. I wanted to go back.

In the morning I woke up in my Bangkok apartment, so relieved and glad that I was still there.

I gathered up any remaining confidence and set off to work. I stuck my head into Gerry’s office just to say good morning and asked politely how he was doing. He answered, “Every day is a good day; every breath is a good breath, because we’re living and breathing. You know, the river keeps flowing.” And that’s when I realized that life will move on despite how ignorant I was.

During the course of the morning, Gerry and I were talking about some assignments. We got off on a tangent and began to discuss things not directly relevant to work. It was then that I managed to shock him when I answered a question that he was convinced no one knew the answer to. (It was about history – the Ottoman Empire, actually – go figure, what else would I know?) Towards the end of the conversation, he said that he had to admit that he was glad I was here.

What?!? I became even more convinced that majoring in history was one of the best choices I’ve ever made.

Despite feeling like a million bucks for approximately 17 minutes, I was still lost and confused. However, I slowly began to differentiate between ignorance and incompetency. This became a crucial lesson for me, and I believe for others as well. So, I will share my discovery with you.

Ignorance is basically the lack of knowledge. I’m discovering that the more I learn, the more there is for me to know. There can be an excitement about ignorance, contained in the fact that we can learn, grow and explore new knowledge, facts and ideas. Incompetency, on the other hand, means lack of ability. I came to realize that just because I am ignorant in so many areas of life, this did not mean that I was incompetent to learn and grow.

Life is about a journey in which we are molded and changed. Although it felt so good to be in the comfort of my home in my dream, I still longed to be in Bangkok amidst challenges that would force me to stretch and grow. It was about much more than just my internship, but the entire experience including being on my own, relationships (or the attempt to build some), loneliness, identity and so much more.

Once I began to grasp the difference between ignorance and incompetence, I reviewed my situation once again. I was ignorant. I was not incompetent. Therefore, I could put forth a great effort to learn and acquire new knowledge.

That’s how life is. We have great challenges where everything seems impossible. And everything probably is impossible … on our own. But, the incredible thing is, is that God is not only competent in every way, but also knows everything. He can and will give us the courage, wisdom and ability to overcome our difficulties in order to mold us into a more perfect image of him. Life will continue. The river keeps flowing.