I’ve heard or read somewhere before that in order to be emotionally healthy, a person needs to receive a minimum of 7 significant physical touches a day: a hug, holding hands, a kiss, etc. At home, I always received an abundance of love. Hugs and kisses from family and friends were quite frequent and welcomed.
However, I never understood the importance of physical touch until I had gone without it for about a month. I began to understand and live the great despairing feeling of loneliness. I cannot even explain how much a wanted a hug from Sindy, or sit on the sofa with my parents to have my dad stroking my arm, or hold Angela’s hand, or even have Daniel slap my butt. I understood the scary great depth of being all alone.
Email, facebook, chatting and skype are all great for keeping in touch. But, it doesn’t even come close to what live human companionship means. Being with people all day at work also does not compensate for relationships.
It’s incredible how quickly God created Eve after Adam. It’s as if God knew that Adam wouldn’t be able to make it alone, or at least be completely happy. I believe that God is our true source of joy and strength. However, I am confident that God was very deliberate with how he formed the family and society – we’re born into a family and grow up surrounded by people.
Most movies and books we watch or read deal with relational needs. Think of your favorite story and it’s bound to have a friendship or romance intertwined within the main plot. There’s a reason for that. We need other people. We’re not created to be alone.
I recently met a girl in my apartment complex who’s also doing an internship here. Prior to returning to graduate school, she had spent 2 years in the Peace Corp. She was stationed in the African region and lived alone in a village for over a year. One night while we were out with a couple of other people, we got on the topic of living alone in a foreign culture. My friend said that she experienced so much loneliness when she was in Africa; she could sit next to the warmest woman in the entire village, but still feel alone. She laughed when she explained that she would play with kids and pick them up just to feel another human and hoped the children would want to play with her “white-person hair”. I’m sure what she had felt was much deeper than what I was going through, but I could empathize with the pain of being alone.
As more time passed, I learned to deal with my loneliness. First, I had to lean on God for strength and love. I talked to him and he listened, I think. Instead of texting a friend when I observed something interesting, I told God. He also got to hear my clever jokes. We have some great fun together. Also, a few acquaintances I met became my friends and I occasionally even get hugs.
I’m currently on my way to Australia to visit my cousin Vita. I’m looking forward to stepping foot and exploring yet another continent, but most of my excitement is contained in the fact that a loved one will be there and put her arms around me. On some days, I don’t simply miss my family and friends, I long for them. I do believe that once I return home, I will be perfectly happy if people dogpile on top of me.
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