God is grace. He knows how much we can handle, how far we can be stretched and when he needs to wrap his loving arms around us.
If you’ve read my blogs below, you can definitely tell that I’ve had some tough challenges which I’ve had to surmount. These life lessons have been so hard. However, somewhere in the midst of the storm, I reached a peaceful quiet.
In mid June, after I had been in Thailand for 1.5 months, I went to a nearby beach town for a jazz festival with a friend from church. The trip was basically perfect. Our inexpensive hotel was really nice; the weather was bearable (which is synonymous for perfect in Thailand); the town was chill; and the jazz festival itself had a relaxing and soothing effect. After 6 hours of live jazz on the beach, we headed back to our hotel.
Instead of preparing for bed, I decided to go and take a swim in the pool. I floated by myself under the stars, on the opposite end of the globe from home … and I could not have been more content. Despite the challenges, loneliness and ignorance, God had given me grace and I knew that I was in the center of his love.
I’ve come to realize that everything is not supposed to be perfect and easy when we’re following God’s will. On the contrary, it’s usually difficult and nearly unbearable. However, there’s this indescribable perfect grace and love that guides and fills us amidst such circumstances.
So as I floated on my back, I told God again that he can do whatever he wants with my life, because I was confident that it would be so much better if he was in control. I understood that I had just surrendered my will and comfort, and that millions of challenges and tears were awaiting me. But I also understood that perfect gold comes out of the fire, that there’s a calm after a storm and that grace is granted amidst challenges.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
I Just Want a Hug!
I’ve heard or read somewhere before that in order to be emotionally healthy, a person needs to receive a minimum of 7 significant physical touches a day: a hug, holding hands, a kiss, etc. At home, I always received an abundance of love. Hugs and kisses from family and friends were quite frequent and welcomed.
However, I never understood the importance of physical touch until I had gone without it for about a month. I began to understand and live the great despairing feeling of loneliness. I cannot even explain how much a wanted a hug from Sindy, or sit on the sofa with my parents to have my dad stroking my arm, or hold Angela’s hand, or even have Daniel slap my butt. I understood the scary great depth of being all alone.
Email, facebook, chatting and skype are all great for keeping in touch. But, it doesn’t even come close to what live human companionship means. Being with people all day at work also does not compensate for relationships.
It’s incredible how quickly God created Eve after Adam. It’s as if God knew that Adam wouldn’t be able to make it alone, or at least be completely happy. I believe that God is our true source of joy and strength. However, I am confident that God was very deliberate with how he formed the family and society – we’re born into a family and grow up surrounded by people.
Most movies and books we watch or read deal with relational needs. Think of your favorite story and it’s bound to have a friendship or romance intertwined within the main plot. There’s a reason for that. We need other people. We’re not created to be alone.
I recently met a girl in my apartment complex who’s also doing an internship here. Prior to returning to graduate school, she had spent 2 years in the Peace Corp. She was stationed in the African region and lived alone in a village for over a year. One night while we were out with a couple of other people, we got on the topic of living alone in a foreign culture. My friend said that she experienced so much loneliness when she was in Africa; she could sit next to the warmest woman in the entire village, but still feel alone. She laughed when she explained that she would play with kids and pick them up just to feel another human and hoped the children would want to play with her “white-person hair”. I’m sure what she had felt was much deeper than what I was going through, but I could empathize with the pain of being alone.
As more time passed, I learned to deal with my loneliness. First, I had to lean on God for strength and love. I talked to him and he listened, I think. Instead of texting a friend when I observed something interesting, I told God. He also got to hear my clever jokes. We have some great fun together. Also, a few acquaintances I met became my friends and I occasionally even get hugs.
I’m currently on my way to Australia to visit my cousin Vita. I’m looking forward to stepping foot and exploring yet another continent, but most of my excitement is contained in the fact that a loved one will be there and put her arms around me. On some days, I don’t simply miss my family and friends, I long for them. I do believe that once I return home, I will be perfectly happy if people dogpile on top of me.
However, I never understood the importance of physical touch until I had gone without it for about a month. I began to understand and live the great despairing feeling of loneliness. I cannot even explain how much a wanted a hug from Sindy, or sit on the sofa with my parents to have my dad stroking my arm, or hold Angela’s hand, or even have Daniel slap my butt. I understood the scary great depth of being all alone.
Email, facebook, chatting and skype are all great for keeping in touch. But, it doesn’t even come close to what live human companionship means. Being with people all day at work also does not compensate for relationships.
It’s incredible how quickly God created Eve after Adam. It’s as if God knew that Adam wouldn’t be able to make it alone, or at least be completely happy. I believe that God is our true source of joy and strength. However, I am confident that God was very deliberate with how he formed the family and society – we’re born into a family and grow up surrounded by people.
Most movies and books we watch or read deal with relational needs. Think of your favorite story and it’s bound to have a friendship or romance intertwined within the main plot. There’s a reason for that. We need other people. We’re not created to be alone.
I recently met a girl in my apartment complex who’s also doing an internship here. Prior to returning to graduate school, she had spent 2 years in the Peace Corp. She was stationed in the African region and lived alone in a village for over a year. One night while we were out with a couple of other people, we got on the topic of living alone in a foreign culture. My friend said that she experienced so much loneliness when she was in Africa; she could sit next to the warmest woman in the entire village, but still feel alone. She laughed when she explained that she would play with kids and pick them up just to feel another human and hoped the children would want to play with her “white-person hair”. I’m sure what she had felt was much deeper than what I was going through, but I could empathize with the pain of being alone.
As more time passed, I learned to deal with my loneliness. First, I had to lean on God for strength and love. I talked to him and he listened, I think. Instead of texting a friend when I observed something interesting, I told God. He also got to hear my clever jokes. We have some great fun together. Also, a few acquaintances I met became my friends and I occasionally even get hugs.
I’m currently on my way to Australia to visit my cousin Vita. I’m looking forward to stepping foot and exploring yet another continent, but most of my excitement is contained in the fact that a loved one will be there and put her arms around me. On some days, I don’t simply miss my family and friends, I long for them. I do believe that once I return home, I will be perfectly happy if people dogpile on top of me.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Under House Arrest
Coming from a family of 6 kids, while growing up, I always wanted privacy and personal time. I remember the fairly recent days of sharing a bathroom with my 5 siblings. It wasn’t unusual to have at least 3 people using our small bathroom at one time, if not 4. When the gossip would get really exciting, Max was sure to run in to join the bathroom party. So, moving away to Bangkok was stimulating in this way too. I was going to live on my own for the first time. Complete privacy and independence.
As I explained in my previous blog, less than a week after my arrival, security was tightened due to the military crackdown on the red shirts protests. Thus before I even had a chance to settle down and get somewhat accustomed to a new routine, I was put under house arrest….well, sort of. The UN takes strict security measures to ensure the safety of its staff. After being evacuated, we didn’t return to work for 10 days. Out of those days, we were restricted from going out of doors only 3 or 4 days. However, because public transportation was shut down and curfew imposed, it made it impossible to go anywhere outside my immediate neighborhood on the other days.
It was a long 10 days!! I did venture out every day when I was allowed, just to get some humid, polluted Bangkok air and not completely lose my sanity. A couple of times I got lunch with another intern who lives in the same complex and I talked to my friend, who lived much closer to the conflict, on the phone everyday for a few minutes just to make sure she was alive. One major benefit was that I had plenty of time to skype with family and friends. Other than that, I was pretty much dreadful. We were supposed to be “working from home”, but I had been in the office for only 3 days before the evacuation, so I didn’t know what I was doing and needed much guidance. Besides, I’ve already explained that I’m pretty much ignorant.
It was also a time of great uncertainty. My boss, Gerry, called almost every day for a quick check-up. I understood that if the conflict escaladed anymore, then there was a good chance that I would be sent home. The problem was, was that for about 5 days no one knew what was going to happen. It didn’t get better or worse. It was very nerve-racking and I just wanted something to happen; at some point, I didn’t even care what. I just wanted to either go back to work or be sent home.
I lead an extremely busy and structured life at home; I mean, I make plans to be spontaneous! So, I found myself on completely unknown territory not because I was in Bangkok amidst a political crisis, but because I had so much free time on my hands and no responsibilities to tend to.
There are different seasons in our lives for a reason. A few days into my forced isolation, I began to question why I don’t take advantage of this time and really enjoy it. Had I really grown so accustomed to structure that I couldn’t enjoy going with the flow? Why was it so important for me to always be busy and seemingly productive? Why not take available time to read novels, listen to music (I mean really listen to music) and study the Bible (not to mention spend hours on Facebook and skype)? This was a very strange phenomenon to me, but a lesson and time in my life that I really needed.
Thankfully, God knows our limits. And I’m sure he knew that I can’t enjoy a life of solitude and pleasure for more than 10 days. So, we finally returned to work and life began to resume to normal slowly, but surely.
During this time, however, I learned 2 important lessons that are interconnected. I began to gain a new appreciation for my time, family, friends, activities, classes, and work. Simultaneously, I better understood how crucial it was to have time off and really enjoy it. The two must really balance each other out; one without the other will ultimately result in a meaningless life. We must strive to serve God and live a life of purpose; however, we must be sure to take the time to actually seek him and enjoy the simple gifts he has given us. John Piper sums it up pretty well in this quote: “God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him.”
As I explained in my previous blog, less than a week after my arrival, security was tightened due to the military crackdown on the red shirts protests. Thus before I even had a chance to settle down and get somewhat accustomed to a new routine, I was put under house arrest….well, sort of. The UN takes strict security measures to ensure the safety of its staff. After being evacuated, we didn’t return to work for 10 days. Out of those days, we were restricted from going out of doors only 3 or 4 days. However, because public transportation was shut down and curfew imposed, it made it impossible to go anywhere outside my immediate neighborhood on the other days.
It was a long 10 days!! I did venture out every day when I was allowed, just to get some humid, polluted Bangkok air and not completely lose my sanity. A couple of times I got lunch with another intern who lives in the same complex and I talked to my friend, who lived much closer to the conflict, on the phone everyday for a few minutes just to make sure she was alive. One major benefit was that I had plenty of time to skype with family and friends. Other than that, I was pretty much dreadful. We were supposed to be “working from home”, but I had been in the office for only 3 days before the evacuation, so I didn’t know what I was doing and needed much guidance. Besides, I’ve already explained that I’m pretty much ignorant.
It was also a time of great uncertainty. My boss, Gerry, called almost every day for a quick check-up. I understood that if the conflict escaladed anymore, then there was a good chance that I would be sent home. The problem was, was that for about 5 days no one knew what was going to happen. It didn’t get better or worse. It was very nerve-racking and I just wanted something to happen; at some point, I didn’t even care what. I just wanted to either go back to work or be sent home.
I lead an extremely busy and structured life at home; I mean, I make plans to be spontaneous! So, I found myself on completely unknown territory not because I was in Bangkok amidst a political crisis, but because I had so much free time on my hands and no responsibilities to tend to.
There are different seasons in our lives for a reason. A few days into my forced isolation, I began to question why I don’t take advantage of this time and really enjoy it. Had I really grown so accustomed to structure that I couldn’t enjoy going with the flow? Why was it so important for me to always be busy and seemingly productive? Why not take available time to read novels, listen to music (I mean really listen to music) and study the Bible (not to mention spend hours on Facebook and skype)? This was a very strange phenomenon to me, but a lesson and time in my life that I really needed.
Thankfully, God knows our limits. And I’m sure he knew that I can’t enjoy a life of solitude and pleasure for more than 10 days. So, we finally returned to work and life began to resume to normal slowly, but surely.
During this time, however, I learned 2 important lessons that are interconnected. I began to gain a new appreciation for my time, family, friends, activities, classes, and work. Simultaneously, I better understood how crucial it was to have time off and really enjoy it. The two must really balance each other out; one without the other will ultimately result in a meaningless life. We must strive to serve God and live a life of purpose; however, we must be sure to take the time to actually seek him and enjoy the simple gifts he has given us. John Piper sums it up pretty well in this quote: “God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him.”
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